When hes done ringing you up say something that acknowledges how weird what your about to do is and then state that if he never calls you thatll be cook and you can both forget all about it forever. And as others have mentioned, it's very easy to misinterpret her general customer service skill as "signals" of something else which she didn't intend. Im not sure if this is a good compromise to not passing up an opportunity but also not putting pressure on him at work. Next day I slipped my phone number on a piece of paper, didn't say a word and left. I guess Im just a bit pessimistic in that it rarely happens that way. WebTalk about what you're going to make with your items. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) After you have built a basic connection with her, you can leave a brief note (with a smiley probably) as others have suggested. +1. I personally wouldnt ask him out directly, but would drop some hints about what youll be doing over the weekend (movies, wine festivals, coffee shops, etc.) Right, Ive always worked customer service, so I certainly take your point; but I do think its a very blurred line. Move on quickly and dont take it personally. Im a male, nearly 30, and I have been going back and forth for weeks about somehow asking out this cashier at a grocery store I frequent. I always wanted to date him and ask him out, but I never got the courage until a few years ago when I found out we were both single. Its how our brains are wired up. Also, regardless of the merits of OP asking/not asking, can we PLEASE roundfile the whole but how else is the species supposed to continue fallacy, which, bluntly, gets trotted out in defense of everything from workplace harassment to stalking. Obviously you dont want to be creepily waiting for him by his car or something, but it could give you a chance to ask him out while hes off the clock. (Well, I guess it was scandalous when marriages were arranged so okay, normal since women got agency.). Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. In this case, the crush could have ignored it. It would be ok if you ran into an employee somewhere else organically. It is a safe bet that they're all just doing their job. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Its realllllly hard to know someones sexual orientation when discussing a cinnamon bun or what have you. We always flirted, he always asked me about what was going on in my life, on and on. I used to work at a library too and we were always told not to give out our full names and to be vigilant of patrons. It kills me how some people react over this, though: dont do it! How dare you inflict yourself on this poor sales assistant! etc. Because of that, it can be easy to Assenting to courtship is an act of whimsy. I liked the slip him your number idea that way youre not publicly making it awkward for him, and youre putting the ball in his court. No outside videos or links - mods dont have to verify if it follows the rules. I was thinking the same thing. At a bar, after church, at an event where you share a mutual interest, go for it! do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? The checkout line isn't the place to have real conversations, let alone get your flirt on. Acknowledge their feelings and thank them for being honest with you. Let them know why they caught your eye and why spending time together would be fun. I wrote write my info on a small piece of paper and said something as non-pickup-y as possible: If you want to talk more about photography, heres my info or something. My SO is a manager of a retail store and gets attention from customers (both male and female) on a regular basis. At least if I was cleaning up aisles or stocking shelves, I could pretend to escape into the backroom. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, and our products. Working retail, this happens so, so frequently that it stops being flattering and becomes another work annoyance that you have to deal with, plus the unease of not knowing how someone is going to react if you reject them. When lindy hopping, it is important to use positive body language and express excitement and enthusiasm. Even when we were together, hed come by to check up on me, hed get a little bit jealous if he saw me talking to other guys. It can be intimidating to ask someone out, especially if you dont feel confident in your own skin. When I was newly single (and loving it) after an early, long marriage, I ended up chatting regularly with a nice and nice-looking young man who worked in the produce department of my usual grocery store. But its not an ideal world and sexual entitlement doesnt always come in obvious, high pressure, sexually explicit packages. But if he were really, really interested in the girl, might he not go to those places hoping to run into her? I know what youre saying about the stalking: Ive been there myself and would never want to put someone in that position. WebBe well dressed. That would be some might serious dating phobia to have that reaction from a casual reach out, hed be quite the outlier with that level of panic. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). Can you help me?" The only thing you know about them is youre attracted to them physically, and they are friendly when youre in the shop (which should be the standard for any customer service staff). . Q: How should I approach the cashier? As a man whos been asked out 4 times by clients, I say go for it! # About I (female, red-haired) worked in video game retail for a while. When you are in customer service dealing with many people every shift, and are attractive enough for a significant number to be attracted to you, even 5% of men being jerks is enough to result in negative consequences on a regular basis. Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. Again, only partake this if it genuinely is by chance. I wouldnt necessarily invite someone Id met in this compartmentalized way to my home. Browse other questions tagged, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. I just checked it for my area, and, sure enough I delivered your pizza last night; you were in a swimsuit. Make an effort to get to know your crush in a non-work context before asking him out. I've never seen you before." We go on vacation together, we spend holidays and new years together and so on. Women arent delicate flowers and men, as a gender whole, arent big scary monsters. Then we had an interesting conversation about her other job (comic artist), and I left with her phone number. Instead of just insisting youre a dude and this is how YOU think, maybe try putting yourself in other peoples shoes? Just be subtle about it and see where it goes. I worked for years in retail when I was younger and fended off unwanted requests for dates successfully and without any kind of emotional scarring.). Important: you give your number and dont ask for his number, and you do it on paper so that you dont need to text to his number or handle his phone to input anything. It is often used as an expression of joy which can be used to ask someone out in a fun way! Asking nicely doesnt erase that. The more you think about it the more chance you have of acting like a creeper lol. Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at you because she has costumers to help, you still need to get her attention in some way.. you could humiliate yourself by tossing things on the floor or use a Disclaimer: I have never worked in retail, so Ive never had this experience. I also had freedom to roam, which, of course, a barista doesnt have. And don't stand somewhere waiting for her to take her smoke break, only do this if you naturally happen to pass by her having one. Ugh. In Ohio, we have drive-thrus where you can literally drive through and buy beer, cigarettes, pop, etc. I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. That will most certainly backfire. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no time. her safety and comfort was maintained by having someone she knew and was familiar with approach her discretely. I have to say, I feel bad for the pressure being put on men for the whole asking someone out thing because that was the first and ONLY time I have ever asked a guy out and I got rejected. If you ask her as you are going through the checkout say "hi, how are you doing?" If I didnt think i would get tipped if I turned them down, I gave them a fake phone number and then smiled when they left me a whopping tip behind. It was a required part of my job. But then, Im from that younger generation of people who hang out instead of going on proper dates. They would try to dazzle me with charm, I would kindly redirect them to dazzle me with good work. This is not a hook up sub Do this some times. Thanks for contributing an answer to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! One thing. Met a girl, we liked each other but now shes ignoring me and i want her back. listen to him, and definitely good to go for a free mean with a guy that's not a creeper!! I just want to do my job and part of that job is being nice to people and making sure they are enjoying our services. Find out something I dont want to be reminded on a regular basis that people are thinking of me in a sexual way while Im working. Or she might clue you in on to where she might be outside of work. Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, Hell, no! If youre looking to get your hands on the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, then youre in luck! If youre 99.9% certain about letting him know youre interested, then fpostes wording is the way to go. And as long as you are willing to hear them say no (and you are not a crazy person) then there is not a lot to lose. One day, I put the money in her hand, and tickled her palm. Get their attention by saying something like I was wondering if youd like to grab dinner sometime rather than Will you go out with me? A response that is far more common than a many guys seem to think. Or buy more items so you have more time to make small talk. (Explaining this because some people look at me funny when I talk about going to the drive-thru). She flushed, returned the change, and caressed my hand in return. She could always change her answer or answer in a positive way to give you more information. She cant be sure but either he wants a cup of coffee with her or he doesnt. Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. About a decade ago, I worked in a store that had mostly male customers. You can only do this is you wont be crushed by rejection and you wont be weird the next time you go to the store. Talk about power dynamics. People shouldnt just ask anyone everyone they find the least bit attractive while at their place of work but I think it is different if you think you could really have a strong connection with this person. Of course, if she tells you she has a policy against dating customers and you later see her dating another one, don't call her on it. But, I got hit on so frequently, I would have loved to stop it. Or, to put it more pithily, as this linked post full of citations says in its title, Mythcommunication: Its Not That They Dont Understand, They Just Dont Like The Answer If they seem receptive, try suggesting an activity or outing that could potentially bring both of you closer together. The player must time their shot accurately, mix in the right, To get the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, purchase the Arcane Expansion Pack (DLC) from the Xbox Marketplace. Thanks fposte. To help you build up the courage to take the plunge, it is important to focus on feeling more confident. In an ideal world, a polite request for a date wouldnt be totally inappropriate. Always remember that they are a person too, and be sure to treat them with the same respect you would give any other person. But this isnt two people meeting in public. Its public for the customer but a workplace for the employee. This is an advice about how to do it, now keep it mind that people mostly tell you not to do it. What are the prerequisites of whimsy? Asking her out directly seems like a bad idea. Instead, in these situations, I've found something that works much better for both of you. During yo I mean if I forgot something I wouldve just gone in and said, I forgot this and say my goodbyes again. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. If she's completely unresponsive stop immediately. OP here. A: Lindy Hop is a dance style that originated in Harlem during the 1920s and 1930s. Awkwardness all round. I waited tables for a very long time. And thanks for the suggestion for a no-pressure meet-up, thats a super idea! I was looking for posts/comments I made and making sure I not did left some hanging, I agree dont do it. Ive seen a lot of this sentiment in this thread (Im biased; Im female) and I just want to say: A lot of women dont find being hit on or asked out by a strange man flattering, especially if the most conversation theyve had with them is either mundane chitchat or about the customers order/purchase. Yes I definitely want to be cool about it and subtle and your story is inspiring! how in the heck are people supposed to meet these days if you dont want to do so at bars or online? For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable to engage in small talk with the cashier. Yuck! _ism_ OP here, I know where youre coming from. Dont drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is doing is all you should do. And there was no pressing and he never followed up when I didnt call. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. Knowing how to read the defense is key to succeeding in this virtual gridiron world. It has to be something any random girl would find enjoyable all by itself even if you weren't involved. I think if the OP really, really wants to follow up on this guy, the way to do it is by very gradually escalating and paying a lot of attention to his responses. I came here to drink milk and kick ass. The whole thing was awkward (dude who are you and why are you asking me out after literally 1 minute of interaction?) I expect it to be more difficult in a big supermarket than in a small shop, but I wouldn't label this behaviour as non respectful. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. We flirted for (probably 5) months and I finally asked him out one day. Hardly altruism; that works in mens' favor too. You have some power (even implied power) over a cashier with your ability to complain and get them reprimanded, or even because she'll be forced to be nice to you during her shifts even after rejecting you should it come to that. Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. Nothing terribly overt but just talking, asking what I'm up to for the rest of the day and just seeming kind of excited to talk to me. The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. At his job, he has to be polite. Too much overthinking going on here. end your doubts about cover letters, all ye who enter here, https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/, http://captainawkward.com/2011/07/04/blanket-statement-monday-stop-hitting-on-the-waitress/, http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/06/5-times-shouldnt-approach-women/, http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/, my company decided to close for 2 weeks last year and charged me a chunk of this years PTO for it, what admin assistants really want from their coworkers, should my spouse have to be background checked for my job, one-way video interviews, and more, my boss keeps asking me to do things that aggravate our community partners, update: my employee wastes a huge amount of everyones time with helpful suggestions and questioning, 8 horror stories for Administrative Professionals Day, HR jokes about firing people, I want to stop giving reasons for my time-off requests, and more. Having worked retail as a female, being asked out is one of the most annoying things that can happen to a person, it can go as far as making her feel unsafe. It puts me in an awkward position, and moreover, I dont want to feel sexualized at work. I let them all down gently, the ones who were grossed I told my manager about, and the ones who were polite [key point] were cool with me afterward and there was no awkwardness between us [key point]. ask her out. I once asked a girl to explain what she meant, when what she actually wanted to say would have been perfectly clear if we had been in a bar. If I thought I was going to get tipped regardless (i.e., they were with a group and split checks, etc.) Can I add you on Facebook and send you the link? So she added him, they talked until 4 a.m. on Facebook messenger, and they went out a few days later. If he were flirty I doubt that Id take him seriously. And you might realise hey, I only want this person as a friend. On top of all the other overlapping chances of something else being in the way. Thats a pointas the OP is gauging this guys interest, she should observe how he acts with other customers. Hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime?). If the cashier is interested in going out, its best to take things slow and get to know each other better before making any big decisions. The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a message. For me, this was the least offensive way someone ever 'shopped' for me, because due to professionalism I could just ignore it. It shows a level of awareness that not everyone seems to possess in these situations. I think theres a power differential between the customer and the employee that youre missing here. Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been. But he wasnt asking her out. My friend Ilene always talked to the cheese manager at her grocery store. I date women. So I definitely dont think its fair to allege that Im not empathetic here Im reflecting on my own feelings as well as those Ive heard from others of both genders, or as you say, putting myself in their shoes.. Its like, Im working. This is how normal people meet, during the course of a normal day. @sphennings - I outlined a gentle first step towards getting together with a person of interest outside work, in a public venue. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. Still, +1 for your analysis and advice to the OP. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. Not most. Dudes dont have to be horny to ask a girl out brodette. Now, Im 100% sure this guy would have been an awesome date, and there was nothing threatening or creepy about his approach in fact, if I had any glimmer of interest in men in general, I probably would have taken him up on it. The pressure to respond positively to those interactions to avoid A Scene is so high! Use a bell on the door to let you know when new customers have arrived, so that you can be sure to greet them promptly. Thats a good practice for people. There's this cute girl at a local shop that I visit every day. Look, retail employees get hit on day in and day out. Make sure everything is paid for, and walk away immediately after giving her that card. I wouldnt give a lot of credence to the signals in a retail environment, because as others have stated, its his job to be solicitous. And I would tell a couple of friends where I was going and who I was with. If youre going to do this, the leaving your number AND THEN LEAVING, with the expectation of not returning to that business, is the least awful approach. There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. So if you do this, and he says anything thats not an enthusiastic yes, please reconsider shopping there again. A: Rejection can be tough, but its important to accept it gracefully. Your lindy hop can lead to a special moment for both of you, making the experience more memorable. The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a And Ive just finished my milk.. Or if you buy a bottle of wine, you can ask her about it. To be successful in this It's long enough to exchange more than a couple of sentences and gauge interest. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? Hopefully she will respond. +1000. Except this is not a conversation about whether its ever OK for a man to approach a woman confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way*; its a conversation about a specific situation, namely making romantic overtures to somebody whose job and paycheck require them to be pleasant to you. This powerful weapon can be obtained through several means, and, To read the offense in Madden 21, look for the playmaker markers, pre-snap reads, and read/react opportunities. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Would you be interested in going out sometime?. Listen, Im coming out months worth of lurk-hiding just to say: nooooooo! This will show the cashier that you are serious about your intentions of asking them out. Please think very carefully about about out a retail employee. Being a little bit creepy, is okay, if you can't help it (you should), but don't be a stalker. Since you're not asking if you should or not but HOW you should ask her then I'd suggest you to try to ask her something like "Hi, I was wondering if you'd like to have a coffee/drink with me sometimes ?". He has been active in the world of showbusiness for, Press the Options/Menu button on your controller and select Quit Story Mission and then restart from the chapter selection screen. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. Ive been pondering this exact situation, in regards to the guy at the corner store I go to. If done in a non creepy way and they gracefully accepted my no, I would be flattered. Maybe thats what our OP should do. Its not about all men being big scary monsters, its about trying to avoid situations that put you at a disadvantage in case someone does turn out to be a monster. Since it's about whimsy, the goal here isn't "yes" - the goal here is "why not?". be honest, sincere and have your name and One of the firemen involved found one of my coworkers to be attractive. I was on both sides of this in my misspent youth. factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out She said shes there to work, not to get hit on or asked out. Aaron/Erins unite! I was also wary for the same reasons you are. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. A phone number may be voluntarily given later, but should be asked for by saying "hey, I'd like to stay in touch with you" and let her choose out of the variety of contact methods that exist today. It's usually pretty busy when I see her there so I both a) don't want to hold shit up trying to chat, And b) don't want to be "that guy" especially in front of a bunch of people. The employee feels panicked and caught between a rock and a hard place, like he may not be able to turn the customer down without pulling down the wrath of management, and what had been a friendly encounter now turns into a recurring nauseating anxiety. *shrug* again, Im sure there are some people who are great at movie and party first dates. the flipside of male privilege men get to generally live their lives without an underlying fear of being rapedbut once in a while that fear comes in real handy. We met a few more times for drinks and visiting expos but no further attraction developed, so nothing else happened. No real point to this expect to share that I have now been enlightened :). Which then bums me out further. As the others have pointed out, you have got a bit of a captive audience and that needs to be respected. So I met this girl about two weeks ago. Ive seen you in here a lot and you seem like the type of person I would like to get to know in real life. Even if you think this guy might really like you, youre going to have to take it slow. Hes always nice and professional, but makes sure that his suitor knows that he has a serious girlfriend. Is it too early to have sex? And each creep is going to make contact with every victim that he possibly can, perhaps more than once. Try a man cashier. I dont think its a horrendous crime to ask someone out, I just remember wishing (as a former waitress) that people would just let me bring them their food instead of assuming were friends now because weve been interacting for 8 minutes in my place of work. Hi, OP here. "I don't know and I don't care" or if she answers something like: "I love those cookies, I wish someone would invite me to eat them.". If he say, Oh, rats! Sorry to hear that it didnt work out (a haunted house would have been a very cool first date!) So whats the best way to ask ehr out or get her number while shes working? This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. Make me a good burrito, and you will always have a platonic place in my heart. Is there a generic term for these trajectories? WebIf you're a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. Her having to worry about that violates the principle of empowered. If he says, Oh, I have to get home, maybe hes not so interested. That context is something that men need to be aware of when deciding its ok to flirt with a woman in a particular situation-which I think is what you were getting at. I once had a crush on a guy who worked in retail. This happens to us (generally speaking; there are certainly exceptions) *so often* that it can feel predatory at our jobs, even if it really isnt. I felt like if something could prod him to say that, I must not have imagined it.). I got asked out by a male repeat customer around my age who had always been polite, nonthreatening, was quite nice-looking, and very interesting to talk to. Where I live now, in Central European rural areas that latter point is the predominant norm. Poor, oblivious Husband. I went to the same drive-thru for YEARS and had a crush on the guy who worked there. Show confidence. I suggest you consider the following: Is she especially nice to you, or is that her normal behavior with many customers? I will put a quick disclaimer/bias I am female, and I think women overall have to deal with this more than men, so its probably why its more annoying in my mind.
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